Medway 48 Dover III 12
Medway Extras smashed their closest rivals Dover on Saturday, to secure the Invicta 3 title.
The title has been 5 years in the making, and has seen such stalwarts as Jackson, French and Bates develop from adolescent puppies with shares in Kleenex, into fully-fledged roughtie-toughtie rugby players.
For the second week running, Captain Jamie ‘Jarhead’ Settle selected himself in the starting line-up, which allowed stand-in coach Geoff Kempt the freedom he needed to craft a winning side.
Medway fielded a strong squad, which included most of the regulars, plus a couple of new rookies,…. Anthony Cross and Alastair Lock…..and were applauded onto the pitch in superb style by a throng of Medway youngsters (stars of the future no doubt).
It was immediately apparent from the start that Medway were out to secure the main prize, as they took the kick-off and drove downfield through a series of rucks and forward bursts…..Dover weathered the storm, and were able to push Medway back through some good kicking from their 10 and 12. From a lineout on halfway, Medway secured excellent ball with hooker Jack Buxton picking out Anthony Cross with ease….as the ball was dropped off to Jackson, he set off on one of his trademark erratic panicky runs, and was tackled easily by one of the Medway under 10s. Fortunately Medway cleared the ruck, and the ball found it’s way to Rich Coney. The effervescent fullback scorched across the pitch past the flailing defenders, and scored near the posts for an important try at a vital moment. Gareth Marlow stepped up, with his false Hebrew beard oiled to perfection, and calmly slotted the conversion.
Dover responded in emphatic style…..by intercepting a stray Medway pass soon after, and converting to square things up.
Medway continued with their driving play, with Al Lock and Pete Corker making excellent ground. A Dover lineout on their 22 was stolen by Cross….quick hands put Coney clear again, but he was tackled short of the line…..the ball was snapped up by the impressive Ian Flatt, and he dived over to put Medway back in front. Marlow did the honours.
Medway were now dominating the play, with solid set piece work, complemented by strong running, and fast rucking…..Dover appeared to have got their hands on the ball, but Medway turned it over, and popped it out to Chris Thomas in the centres……Thomas, who is like a muscular version of Jackson, but with skill….broke to the right, and used his strength to smash over for a deserved try.
Medway were flying….but their momentum was stopped temporarily, as Dover’s flyhalf sustained a nasty ankle injury……the decision was made to change pitches….but this did not deter the Extras.
Another clean lineout take, saw the backs execute a clever midfield move, which brought Coney into the line at pace…..he totally rinsed the winger and fullback, ignored Ruthers who was ‘in support’ 30 metres further back, and sprinted in at the corner from 60 metres out, with a dazzling turn of speed.
Medway’s scrum was equally impressive, with witty prankster Martin Farbrace, Sweaty Jack Buxton and Jamie Doghouse Settle dominant in the front row. From the next scrum, flyhalf Richard Bates ran a DSP and put the devilishly handsome Danny Williams into the gap…..Danny was stopped 10 metres short, but offloaded to Chris Thomas, who side-stepped the last defender to score his second try.
HALF TIME…….One hand on the trophy methinks !!
From the restart, a shell-shocked Dover dropped the kickoff…….scrum 10 metres out to Medway….No8 Al Lock picked up and showed deft hands to dummy the outside man, and Waltz Matilda-like over the line for an easy score…..Hebrew converted.
At this point Captain Settle departed the pitch to rapturous applause, and made way for the heavily vaselined figure of Andy Connell.
Almost immediately Connell galloped onto a short pass, swatted the Dover flanker out of the way, and barrelled on towards the tryline….only for the flimsy Dover fullback to rip the ball from his grasp, as he was about to dive over (Corker was seen to snigger…)
Undeterred Medway drove downfield again, with Ian Flatt and Frenchie, smashing the ball up for fun. Jacko spun the ball out to Batesy, who cut through the Dover backline, with a dummy, and a sidestep…..he switched with Coney wide on the left….and Coney raced in for his jug. Frenchie was substituted for Matt Kelly at this point, for spending too much time on the wing.
Medway then took pity on Dover, and let them have a try at the other end……. the ref was clearly in benevolent mood, as the Dover player spilled the ball forward into the nettles as he tried to ground the ball…..but who cares, Medway were winning.
From the restart the ball found Andy Connell, who, in an act of total revenge, ran straight at Corker like a runaway steam train, and smashed him to the ground….very funny.
As the game moved into the last 10 minutes….the outstanding Corker made way for ‘full ticket’ Chris Green.
Medway attacked from everywhere, and fittingly the last play saw the devilishly handsome Danny Williams hit the line at pace, and race 60 metres to score under the posts, to cap off a brilliant team performance.
The final whistle ( 48-12) signalled jubilant scenes with much man-hugging and cheap champagne……as The Extras, Jamie and Jacko realised their dream of winning the title.
Medway’s dogged campaign and ultimate success, could be put down to many things……pride in the Medway badge, commitment to training, shagging each other girlfriends……but it was mostly about teamwork, passion and loyalty.
Huge thanks must go to early season coach Drew Sherston, who worked tirelessly to pull together a rather disorganised bunch at the beginning of the season…..and to many players who have sampled the Extras spirit….Howard, Krasij, Ben, Bear, Buncey, Meringue etc….
Medway adjourned to the Clubhouse to enjoy their victory…..sink some beers, and sing a few rounds of Alouette and Sunshine Mountain with their mates……Danny got man of the match, but in truth, everybody played their socks off…..even Jacko.
Will Medway see the famous saucepan pull on the scarlet and gold again, as he moves to Putney to play for Kings Cross Steelers……will Jamie Doghouse Settle give it one more year and stop saying fuck…..will the scribe, scribe again ?
Wait ‘til next year.
C’mon Medway.
GCK
Scribe.
Snowdown CW 7 Medway 9
Another huge banana skin was negotiated by Medway’s Extras on their quest for league honours on Saturday.
Their opponents were Snowdown, who traditionally offer a physical and uncompromising brand of rugby…..this was clear as Snowdown had defeated Medway’s closest rivals (Dover) the previous week.
Medway were able to field a strong side, with Hugh Collings and Ian Flatt combining in the backrow, Paul Meringue and Steve (dropped his guts in the huddle) Young in the front row, and Rich Coney returning in the backs. Danny Williams also returned after showing-off with the kids the previous week. The Captaincy was also handed to stalwart Pete Corker who was good enough to start…..with the other stand-in Captain Matt Jackson (not good enough to start) relegated to Captain of the Subs.
The home side have clearly been working hard to improve their club facilities, as Medway sampled the delights of the new changing rooms and clubhouse……..they were so nice in fact, that Matt Jackson avoided christening them with his customary pre-match poo.
The game kicked off in front of the large home partisan crowd……and the Snowdown players responded by starting strongly.
For the first 20 minutes, it was all Snowdown, as they dominated the forward battle, and smashed the ball forward again and again through their big back five. Medway’s defence barely held out during this crucial phase,…..but they were able to weather the storm and start to get a foothold in the game.
After some good defensive kicking, Medway established some field position in the Snowdown half……..great approach work by Young, Collings and Flatt stretched the home side’s defence, and Medway should have scored wide out right had Meringue used the three man overlap available to him……however he didn’t (twat)……and Medway had to settle for 3 points from a penalty from the trusty boot of Gareth Marlow.
The next 20 minutes was Medway’s purple-patch……and would prove to be the crucial time for the visitors. Medway dominated the loose play, and threatened to break clear through Rutherford and Coney on a number of occasions….Snowdown’s scramble defence however was always up to the task.
Five minutes before half time, the home side infringed at the breakdown, and Marlow stepped forward to slot the penalty and give Medway a hard-earned 0 – 6 half time lead.
Medway also lost front-rower Martin Farbrace with a knee injury before the break, and he was replaced by Jack Buxton who’s first act was to put in a huge tackle on an unfortunate Snowdown player.
The second half resumed, with Medway failing to capitalise on their slender lead. In fact, any dominance or field position gained by Medway was immediately relinquished through poor decision making, or basic errors. Gradually this turned the match back in Snowdown’s favour, and Medway were struggling.
After 10 minutes scrum half James Pierce was replaced by Jacko, after he sustained a hamstring injury. Totally against the run of play, Medway found themselves in the home side’s half, and slotted three more points after being awarded a penalty on the twenty-two directly in front of the posts….Marlow did the honours.
This penalty was vital to Medway’s cause, as shortly afterwards Snowdown’s excellent fullback regathered a speculative up-and-under and scored the only try of the game near to Medway’s posts…..he slotted the extras to make it a two-point game.
Medway had opportunities to attack out wide during the second period…but lacked any cohesion, either failing to pass effectively, butchering overlaps, or kicking away chances. At the same time, they continued to give Snowdown every opportunity to try to win the match.
Medway made their final substitution with 10 minutes remaining, bringing on Matt Kelly in the backrow for Howard Thompson who had received a knock to the head, and had been in a daze for some time.
An aimless kick into Medway’s twenty-two was knocked-on by Ruthers, who was clearly upset at being late tackled a World Record number of times throughout the match….. and Snowdown sniffed their chance. For the final seven or eight minutes they pummelled away at Medway’s line through a series of powerful drives, but Medway’s defence was up to the task. The last three minutes saw the home side’s strong pack awarded a series of strength-sapping 5 metre scrums….but to Medway’s credit they scrummaged brilliantly to thwart the threat, and eventually force an error to relieve the pressure.
Some heroic tackling in the corner from Marlow, Rutherford and Chris Thomas, put paid to Snowdown’s final attack….and the ref’s final whistle signalled huge relief for Medway’s players.
You’ve heard the phrase ‘it’s the mark of a good side when you play badly and still win’……..well Medway fully tested this theory. During the match Snowdown missed 4 penalty kicks and 3 drop-goals by very narrow margins………and had their backs been able to string more than one pass together the result would surely have been different.
Pete Corker announced his retirement from captaincy afterwards (with his 100% record intact)…..as he said it made his head hurt every time the referee asked him a question.
Man of the match was awarded by Jamie Settle and Geoff Kempt to Ian Flatt, who tackled strongly all game, rucked hard, and turned over ball at crucial times…..he also never gave away one penalty.
Medway face a tricky fixture away at Ash next, and must not make the same mistakes if they want to win the big prize.
C’mon Medway.
Scribe
GCK.
Sevenoaks III 3 Medway 43
The Extras visited Sevenoaks on Saturday, and although it took them a while to get into their stride, they eventually ran out comfortable winners.
From the off, Medway looked focused, and ready for action. Playing into the stiff wind, they immediately strung together a sequence of quick rucks and driving runs…..which secured them a scrum on the home team’s goal line. The powerful front row of Kevin Kimble, Billy Humphries and Lee Pattenden secured quality ball, which enabled No8 Pete Corker the perfect launch pad to break blind and power over for the opening unconverted try.
Medway continued this driving play, with Paul Morant and Dave French driving things forward. After 7 minutes Medway were held up short of S’Oaks line in a maul, after some great approach play from Kimble and Chris Thomas. The ball was smuggled back, enabling the impressive Billy Humphries enough space to dive over the line. Medway were 10 nil ahead and cruising.
Perhaps the early scores gave Medway too much confidence. From the next passage of play, the Sevenoaks’ fullback was allowed to break tackles in midfield, and made good ground into Medway’s half. Medway were caught offside, and Sevenoaks slotted the penalty . ( 10 – 3).
The game then entered a time-warp…..where Isaac Newton decreed that nobody would score for a period of one Earth hour……applying the Laws of Science to the full……the game then gravitated towards the black hole centre spot, anyone straying further than 10 metres away found themselves on the Event Horizon, and were immediately sucked back towards the middle. The only thing that could escape the huge pull of the gravity was the sound of the referee’s whistle.
Medway were dominant during this period, but were unable to secure any fast ball………any turnovers were generally penalised for one offence or another.
Eventually, Sevenoaks’ brave tackling started to crack…..and Medway started to find gaps out wide…..(this also coincided with the introduction of Mark Krasij and Paul Skelton, who added fresh legs and dry wit.)
With 15 minutes remaining, Medway finally got some decent field position in the home side’s 22, where they were awarded a penalty after Sevenoaks held on at the ruck. Matt Jackson took a quick tap, and hooker Billy Humphries bludgeoned his way over near the posts. Jackson converted, and a frustrating hour was forgotten.
Medway were now rampant. They drove down the right from the kickoff, and won three or four quick rucks. The ball was spun wide, fullback Jason Kay hit the line and cleverly ignored James Rutherford (‘’sell your car, and get some decent toiletries’’) all alone on the wing….opting instead to smash his way through the last two defenders. Some might have called this greedy, but I believe he was just trying to make the conversion easier for Jackson. Converted.
Once again Medway secured the kickoff, and despite Kev Kimble cocking up a six man overlap….they were able to move the ball into the red-zone. Jackson found Richard Bates with a wide pass, and as the defence pushed up on the Medway centres, he dummied, and galloped his way over (‘like a wildebeest’, Grandad Krasij)….to score under the posts. Jackson lethal.
Another kick off, another attack. Howard Thompson and Dave French worked to secure the ball, and a quick pass to the right saw flanker Paul Morant sprint off into the S’Oaks twenty-two. He was tackled short of the line….but fullback Jason Kay was on hand to pick up the ball….and wriggle and twist his way over in the corner. Conversion missed.
The last play saw Sevenoaks spill the ball forward after good tackling by Bruce Sturla in the centres. Kay hoofed the loose ball downfield…..and chased up, and scragged the Sevenoaks’ winger deep in his own half. Medway turned the ball over quick, enabling Chris Thomas plenty of space to break outside the cover defence. As the final defenders raced across, he slipped an easy pass back inside to second-row Jack Smith, who crashed over to round off the try scoring. Jackson converted.
Fulltime 3 – 43.
Medway scored 33 unanswered points in the last 15 minutes, for a thrilling conclusion to the match. Although they had been frustrated for an hour….with a series of unusual penalties..; pushing in the scrum, taking-on illegal water, and being in possession of the ball. The lesson to be learnt in similar circumstances when you are dominating, is to step back half a yard, and play simple rugby.
The win keeps Medway firmly on top of the table. Man of the match was Dave French…..who looks fitter than ever now that he has got rid of his puppy-fat, and tackled excellently throughout….although he can’t score. Martin Farbrace may return next week, after attending the annual Haagen Dazs convention in Munich this weekend.
C’mon Medway
GCK
scribe
Maidstone III 21 Medway 24
I can’t take much more of this, my poor nerves are totally shredded.
Medway’s Extras visited Maidstone on Saturday….one of only two teams to have beaten Medway so far this season. Medway were able to field a strong side in a pulsating match that swung both ways (Jackson), with the lead changing hands on several occasions.
Unlike the previous week, Medway’s pre-match preparation was excellent…..and this was translated into the start of the match, as Medway dominated the early exchanges, and were unlucky not to take the lead on 5 minutes, as a Gareth Marlow penalty dropped short and wide.
Maidstone, who’s average age is 53 and all drive Rovers and watch Countdown, regrouped quickly….and drove down-field after charging down a Medway kick……they recycled the ball, and punched a hole in the Medway backs, allowing their winger enough space to dive over in the corner for the opening try.
Once again Medway resumed in dominant style, but were guilty of failing to take the correct attacking option when opportunities arose…….and they gained no reward.
On 20 minutes Maidstone made good ground into Medway’s half through their powerful centre. Medway were penalised for hands in the ruck…..and Maidstone extended their lead with penalty kick.
The pattern of the game continued, but it wasn’t long before Medway got a break…….literally, as debuting fullback, Jason Kay, who speaks funny and has a hint of a mullet, used his pace to great effect by beating three defenders before offloading to centre Danny Williams in support, and Medway were back in it with a five-pointer. The usually accurate Gareth Marlow missed the conversion, although he has been suffering with a bout of Mattius Jacksonitis.
Medway hit a purple patch…..and dominated all loose play, lead ably by soft-headed Dominic Collins, Pete Corker and Paul Meringue……..they stretched the home side continually, until one break proved too many for the home defence. Good handling down the right between Danny Williams and Rich Coney, saw the ball moved into Maidstone territory. The forwards cleared the ruck with great efficiency, and as Maidstone’s defence attempted to get back into position…..Jason Kay hit a pass from Jackson at pace, and had the time and space to pick a line through the floundering defenders to register a great try under the sticks. Marlow slotted the easy conversion to put Medway 8-12 ahead.
Generous as always, Medway allowed Maidstone to gain field position, through the clever kicking of the home side’s flyhalf. Maidstone stole the lineout, and won a penalty as a protesting Danny Williams was adjudged offside. They slotted the penalty to make it 11-12 in Medway’s favour.
Half time gave injured skipper Jamie Settle a chance to rally his troops, aided by the despotic Matt Jackson who demanded a more expansive game and World domination for ginger people.
Strangely, it was Maidstone who opened the half strongly…..although Medway were yet again guilty of making lives hard for themselves with unforced errors and poor decisions at vital moments.
Maidstone fielded a Medway clearance kick, their winger was tackled short and knocked the ball forward before it rolled harmlessly into touch 8 metres out from Medway’s line. A scrum should have been awarded, which would have been Medway’s preference….however the lineout was given instead. Medway promptly lost the line out, and as the ball was buried in the next breakdown, Maidstone were awarded their own scrum. Medway made some substitutions at this point, which, with hindsight, was poor timing. Maidstone got the nudge on for the first time in the match, and controlled the scrum to drive the ball over for a powerful try. They were now 16-12 ahead.
Maidstone sensed a change in the forward domination battle, and entered their own purple patch, as Medway struggled to secure any quality ball. The home side mauled the ball skilfully into Medway’s twenty-two, before moving it wide to their backs….their strong fullback was able to smash over in the corner, and they now had a 21-12 lead….with time ebbing away.
Medway lifted their efforts, and for a crucial five minutes, were able to get a foothold back in the game, through sheer dogged determination. They defended a Maidstone attack deep in their own twenty-two and were awarded a penalty…..Jackson set off with the ball and caught the home defence napping, he shipped the ball on to Rich Coney who made good ground to the halfway line, where he was tackled by the last defender….the ball was recovered and driven up to the Maidstone 22 by Paul Meringue……another fast ruck saw the ball spun wide, which enabled Jason Kay to nearly cock it up, before putting James Rutherford over wide on the left. Medway were now 21-17 behind with 5 minutes left.
The Medway pack could sense a comeback….as the vital kickoff was secured by 23-stone Martin ‘left moob exposed’ Farbrace. The ball was spun right, where winger Rich Coney chased up a long kick downfield. Medway flooded forward, and caught Maidstone holding on to the ball illegally under their posts and 10 metres out. Three points would not be enough, so Jackson tapped quickly and passed out to Jason Kay…..who stepped the first defender, and cut a great angled line, to race in for a try under the posts. Cue much leaping about and cheering from Granny and Grandad Crunchie on the touchline. Chris Green’s love-child slotted the straightforward conversion, to put Medway back in front 21-24.
The final 4 minutes took for ever, but eventually the final whistle signalled relief and elation for the Medway boys, who continue to sit proudly on top of the league.
This was a gutsy win for Medway, who allowed themselves to be drawn into a tight match, by an experienced Maidstone side, and were lucky to come out on top.
After the match the referee enquired if Matt Jackson was born with a falsetto voice, or if it just went that way when he was losing.
Good performances from Kev Kimble, Dom Collins, Chris Thomas, Danny Williams and Jason Kay were crucial…….but the Man of the Match, as agreed by Jamie and Geoff, was Paul ‘Meringue’ Morant.
GCK
scribe
Medway 18 Aylesford II 13
Saturday’s match at home to Aylesford turned out to be a real nerve-jangler……as the windy conditions, and excellent opposition tested Medway to their limit.
Medway played into the gale in the first period, and immediately gave themselves an uphill battle, as they fell off three or four tackles, enabling Aylesford’s outstanding centre to break through, and deliver the scoring pass to their scrum half. With the conversion added for good measure, Medway were 7 – 0 down and had barely got their boots muddy.
The pre-match inspirational techno-trance jam-session had clearly missed its mark, as Aylesford slotted a penalty shortly afterwards to take a 10 – 0 lead. Next week we will be playing a selection of hits from Me And My Girl, South Pacific and Les Miserables…..to see if this has a more stimulating effect.
Things got steadily worse, as five minutes later, Aylesford’s centre plopped over an audacious drop goal from 30 metres to put them 13 points up and cruising.
A lesser team may have capitulated at this point….but not The Extras, not this year. Medway slowly started to establish a foothold, as they decided to stick the ball up the jumper, and keep it tight into the strong wind. This tactic deprived Aylesford of the ball that they had been enjoying for nearly 20 minutes. Medway’s tight play was ably complimented by strong attacking bursts from Dominic Collins, Gareth Marlow and Chris Thomas debuting at centre. As the half drew to its conclusion….Medway gained excellent field position in Aylesford’s twenty-two, following breaks from James Rutherford (wet prostitute) and Richard Bates (wet rent boy). Medway worked hard to win a number of crucial rucks, with Pete Corker, Jack Smith and Howard Thompson to the fore….this gave the home side enough time and space to put the ball wide, enabling Matt Kelly to put the wet prostitute away to score wide on the left. Jackson’s attempted conversion dropped pathetically short, as it struggled feather-like into the breeze.
This was the final score of the first half…..and with Medway only 13 – 5 down, and with the gale at their backs in the second period, the eight point deficit would be tough for Aylesford to defend. Injured skipper Jamie Settle hobbled on from the sidelines, and stirred his troops with tales of Winnie The Pooh and ‘bees round a honeypot’.
Medway started very strongly from the kick-off, and drove into Aylesford territory…their reward was a penalty as the visitor’s killed the ball at a ruck. Jackson stepped up and was unlucky to see the ball hit the post from 35 metres. Not put off by having Jackson in their team, Medway used the boot of Gareth Marlow to good effect, as they kept up the territorial pressure. From a lineout 20 metres out, the rampant Medway pack drove the ball right to the Aylesford goal-line, where the referee awarded a penalty as the visitor’s held onto the ball illegally. As Jackson tried to recover the ball to take a quick-tap, Aylesford continued to hold on tight and refused to release the ball in an attempt to slow up Medway’s attack, the referee immediately awarded a penalty try, which Jackson converted (in front, wind at his back) to make it a one-point game.
Medway lost flanker Matt Kelly at this point, with a recurring knee injury….and were forced to bring on languid elephant Martin Farbrace. He made an immediate impact, with his laissez-faire brand of slow-motion genius rugby. The Medway pack seemed to gravitate towards his 22-stone frame, gaining some fresh impetus, which yielded a penalty 40 metres out. The team and all the spectators took a quick straw-poll, and decided that it was perhaps best for Gareth Marlow to attempt the vital kick. Marlow delivered the goods with his usual understated aplomb, to put Medway 2 points ahead for the first time in the match.
Medway continued to attack, with gutsy performances from Collins, Krasij, French and the bruised and battered Corker.
Several chances to extend Medway’s lead were missed, before a ruck in front enabled flyhalf Richard Bates to attempt a drop-goal from 35 metres out. The ball floated and wobbled agonisingly in the air, before bouncing off the top of the cross-bar in prize-winning fashion, and dropping over for three points. Cue team abseiling.
The final 5 minutes were a frantic affair, as Aylesford refused several kickable penalty attempts, opting instead to pound on Medway’s try-line. Medway’s defence was superb. Aylesford appeared to have squeezed the ball over at one stage, but Medway were able to re-gather and clear the ball downfield. As the visitors attacked into the final minute, Medway threw their bodies into the tackles, and eventually the ball was spilled loose. The final whistle signalled proud celebrations from the team, which was a measure of the excellent challenge Aylesford had offered.
This was a great team victory, keeping Medway firmly on top of the table. Strong performances from Chris Thomas, Dominic Collins, Lee Patterson and Gareth Marlow stood out……but man-of-the-match went deservedly to No8 Pete Corker, who threw himself into everything all day, and kept working hard, despite claiming to have seen two Jacksons at one stage.
C’mon Medway.
GCK
Gravesend III 20 Medway 23
Always tough to play Gravesend, especially on their narrow banana……so a game of attrition was on the cards. Medway’s Extras were missing two talismanic figures from their ranks. Firstly skipper Jamie Settle who had been rushed to hospital for emergency colonic irrigation following his recent attempt at the World Xmas pudding eating Record. Secondly, inspiration coach and all-round nut-job Drew Sherston who had been deployed to the Falklands to shoot penguins and Argies.
Fear not, Matt Jackson and Geoff Kempt were on hand to steady the ship.
Any ship-steadying would have to wait until the second half, as Medway were dire in the first, with the exception of a couple of Batesy breaks from flyhalf…..going in at the break 7 -0 down after a lucky Gravesend try after some ball-juggling from their prop.
In fairness, the home side were strong throughout, and threatened Medway’s defence on a number of occasions with their brand of offloading rugby.
Perhaps it was the fact that the Medway team were missing a few regulars, and that they, like Jamie, had over-indulged at Jesus’ Birthday.
It took the first half to get the rustiness out, and to start playing with more structure and determination.
Shortly after the restart, Medway secured good field position on the right following a penalty. Fast ruck ball was spun out to the backs….the crucial thrust was made by James Rutherford, who had returned to the UK after his World Tour of the most syphilitic hotspots on the planet, sporting his new ‘wet prostitute’ look, he hit the line at pace, and delivered the final pass to put huge winger Ben Craddock in at the corner. Jackson, who has taken some serious (yet deserved) stick in the past, slotted the conversion from wide on the left to level the scores.
The game was starting to turn Medway’s way. The visitors became more effective at the breakdown, with Meringue, Kimble and Smith working hard…….and the midfield partnership of Dave Gwilliam (two-on-one specialist) and Danny Williams (Devilishly Handsome) holding firm in defence.
Not long after, Gravesend were penalised for offside, and Jacko stepped-up to slot the penalty from in front to give Medway the lead.
Gravesend responded and drove back down/up the banana….and were rewarded with a penalty of their own to level the scores at 10-10.
As the game swung in the balance, Medway were next to strike…..good work by Pete Corker and penalty-magnet Hugh Collings at the break down, saw Gravesend penalised for holding-on……Jacko stepped-up and slotted the three points from fully 35 metres.
Medway then played 10 minutes of quality rugby, which ultimately would prove crucial. Firstly, a blind-side move from a scrum on half way, was executed to perfection, as pocket-rocket fullback Rich Coney hit the gap to scorch in on the right. Conversion missed. Secondly, five minutes later, Coney was at it again, as fast ball was moved wide quickly, enabling him just enough time to dot down in the left corner. Conversion missed.
Gravesend responded with a well taken drop goal, but Medway were now 23-13 ahead and cruising.
A late substitution, saw Medway bring on the horribly disfigured Matt Kelly on the flank, with Jackson moving from the flank (where he had been utterly useless) to scrum-half, in place of the debuting James Pierce.
The substitution gave Medway new impetus, as Kelly did what he does best,….tackle anything that moves (mostly with his face)…..this disrupted Gravesend’s driving game plan, and helped to stifle any final threats before the end.
However, with a minute remaining….Medway were penalised three of four times in succession, enabling Gravesend to drive deep into their 22……as they peeled off a ruck…there was a clear obstruction, which was missed, and they were awarded a rather dubious late try, which they converted. 20-23.
Medway survived the final lengthy minute of the match….although it did need an attempted drop-goal to be charged down, to finally secure the win.
The final score, came as a relief, as Medway had ground-out a tough and well deserved away victory, against a tough Gravesend side. Fitness levels in particular will have to be worked on in the weeks ahead.
Scribe
GCK.
Dover III 32 Medway Extras 18
Medway travelled to the ends of the planet and set up camp at Dover’s reserve pitch which was far from perfect, some might say far from a Rugby pitch. The facilities consisted of getting changed in either a field or getting changed in a set of ladies toilets which Dover had conveniently left a large turd in, that resembled the lock ness monster and smelled like pure death.
The pre match warm up was slightly disjointed due to the full compliment of players not arriving until the last moment. However the match was started positively and the forwards were moving forward with purpose, with a special mention to Glen ‘Bear’ Stapleton who every time got the ball made a minimum of twenty yards.
Dover had a strong set of forwards who where overall dominant in the set piece. When Medway played intense go forward rugby in the loose, Dover had no answer but to slow the ball down illegally which went sadly unnoticed by the referee. James xxxxxx the newly appointed scrum half struggled with the distribution to stand off Simon Rumsey due to the constant interference from infringing Dover players. Both 9 and 10 couldn’t play their game to the full due to this fact.
At last after 60 meters of pressure from medway and the game plan kicking in, in Dover’s danger zone James May dived over the line like a scene from swan lake, it was beautiful to watch. The conversion was at a very steep angle and Simon Rumsey just missed it, I think that it can be attributed to the Girl Guides Annual camp behind the posts that had used the posts as the main structure of their tent. Simon let Richie Coney take another penalty kick due to a knock. Rickie done well however the jamboree in the post area got the better of him. Simon Rumsey intercepted a well read pass and ran over avoiding the camp fire and enamel mugs scattered around the pitch/camp site and touched down under the stick and resumed kicking duties with successes.
In response Dover stepped up and played some good inter passing rugby and were awarded a try which was converted. This was closely followed by a number of penalties being awarded to Medway for every possible reason in the book, this book i allude to isn’t the rugby law book but some fictitious bed time story book for young children because no decision represented any I had ever seen before. Not to grumble, this put us in the lead going into the second half. Just before the whistle blew though winging Rickie Coney was fed the ball and made a very talented run for approximately seventy one and a half meters, the Dover winger looked like he was going in for the tackle and attempted a deliberate trip due to a side step he bought, the ref was dealing with a tent peg issue over the other side of the pitch to notice. Rickie was caught and the half was over with the battered Medway getting a half time team talk from myself. It was hard to convey my overall dismay over the decisions being made by the ref and I tried to ‘Rally the Troops’ and they went away with Jamie’s words of wisdom and a Medway squeeze.
The second half was even more challenging than the previous one. Dover again started playing open running, interpassing rugby that cut through our defence and saw some good individual strength which awarded Dover three of their five try’s two of which where converted. The second half for Medway saw a penalty which Simon slotted over with ease.
Dover’s touch line wasn’t being manned giving the ref even less of a chance to make a correct decision however he revered his claim of touch which gave his team, I mean Dover, a slight break after consultation with Chris “Bruce” Stella who informed him that “there’s no line ref, it’s just a line of sausages leading over to the camp fire” we were awarded the line out which was squandered.
The final score Medway Extras 18 Dover III 32
A special thanks to the lads who stepped up to help the Extras out otherwise the game would not have been possible due to the NO SHOWS from Ben Barter and Jack Buxton who are lucky i’m not going to see them as they would need thrashing and twenty minutes of verbal abuse if I could have my way!!!!!!
The Extras need to get back on form but as stated in the debrief this will not be achieved without training as a unit. The commitment MUST improve. This was my closing statement to the lads as my imminent departure some might call holiday approaches. I wish the Extras all the best and I will be waiting with bated breath, the publishing of the match reports for the rest of the season.
Good luck men
Scribe: Drew ‘The Enforcer’ Sherston
Medway Extras 23 Snowdown CW 0
Whilst this may have been a grey, miserable and chilly afternoon this was no run of the mill game. First of all table topping Medway found themselves having to play the game at altitude on the Borstal end top pitch. Its verdant pastures were a tribute to all their local canine followers, who had clearly done their best to accelerate the grass regeneration project and which meant that Club Selector - Dave Tasker - found himself a new role as the pre match Pooper Scooper. It also meant that the genteel members of the Borstal community were exposed for the first time this season to the incisive and sometimes caustic comments of coach Drew Sherston. Indeed several passing ladies were seen to faint when they heard and misunderstood coach Sherstons' oft repeated instruction to "Get up his arse". On top of all this they were faced with a typically determined and rugged Snowdon side, who in the true traditions of their club, gave absolutely nothing to the Medway side, with them you have to earn it.
Coach Sherston put his charges through a very through pre match warm up, although one player who cannot be named (Bates) likened it unfavourably to a dance routine on the previous night's Children in Need tv special and they started the game with pace and vigour. It was then that all the players on the field discovered that the referee was undertaking a test programme on whistles, with the seeming aim to test it to destruction. This meant that the game very rarely flowed, or had any structure/pattern to it, which led to understandable frustration at times.
The first 15 minutes saw Medway fail to take clear scoring opportunities and as Snowdon worked their way into the game you wondered whether Medway would come to regret this. Fortunately amongst all the passion and fury they had a calming influence in Matt Jackson. I will repeat that - a calming influence in Matt Jackson! After sustained pressure they were awarded a penalty and from 20 yards out he slotted home a penalty. Then from more sustained pressure and a ruck, when he was dragged into the play by the opposition, in a fit of anger he dropped a goal. 6-0. Snowdon tried hard to break the resolute Medway defence but to no avail and further excellent teamwork, involving backs and forwards, saw the ball moved wide from where Barking Mad Julian howled in for a fine try. Jacko converted - 13 - 0. The play became more chaotic and it took a fine penalty from 35 yards out by Jacko to take the half time score to 16 -0.
Turning round with such a lead their adoring fans (Danny Williams, Martin Farbrace) were hopeful of some fine rugby. It was not to be. The half had more stop starts than a snow covered Eurostar train. Snowdon kept giving it their best but Medway's defence was brutal at times, with Drummond and Steve Student in the centres forming a moving wall of physicality. The forwards, who had a number of USMA lads debutising, were also keen to defend their lead. Within all this there were some fine cameos. Dave French, fresh back from his Strictly auditions used his new footwork to excellent work and Skipper Jamie Settle, inspired by his new Heathcliffe moustache put himself about. Indeed half way through the half he made a searing burst through the defence and found himself clear with "only" 45 yards to go for a memorable try. However he was confident that the referee would intervene and so he did by bringing play back and giving Medway a scrum. Jamie did not know whether to laugh or cry. Medway could have helped themselves if they had shown a greater desire to run into space and not at their ever keen opponents but with the ball being rarely in play it was understandable that players from both sides used every opportunity to reacquaint themselves with it.
Then from some fine interpassing Medway put the Snowdon line under pressure and from loose ball, fly half Bates, ghosted through for a try by the posts which Jacko converted. 23 -0. This was to be the last score as Medway spent the last ten minutes in their own 22 as penalty, after penalty, after...........was awarded against them and they took their frustration out on their opponents by defending magnificently and stopping them scoring.
It was a fine win in trying circumstances but for once rugby was not the winner.
P.Scooper - your man losing track of the penalty count.
Cranbrook II 6 Medway Extras 36
Going into Saturday’s match…..Medway’s Extras were sitting on top of the table… Cranbrook were their closest challengers, snapping at their heels……the match therefore would dictate who would be in top-spot come Sunday morning. (To save time……………………………Medway stuffed ‘em.)
The Medway team was berated before the warm-up by their trusty Coach Drew Sherston, for a lack of commitment at training during the week…..this seemed to have a galvanising effect on Medway, who were completely focused on the matter at hand. Medway were able to field a strong side, and despite a number of regulars being unavailable…they were not weakened as Kempt, French and Willoughbelly returned to the fray.
Both teams observed a minute’s silence, before the match commenced.
Medway started up the slope, and looked to play expansively, in spite of the particularly heavy conditions. Medway made some early thrusts but were unable to open their account as two early penalties slipped wide.
Very much against the run of play, Cranbrook took a three point lead through a penalty of their own on 8 minutes.
The game was fiercely contested upfront, and Medway’s forwards showed a great deal of control and discipline not to get sucked into Cranbrook’s spoiling-game, frustration was kept in check….in spite of Drew’s side-line suggestion to ‘punch their No9 in the ovaries.’ Medway drove into the home side’s 22 through Dom Collins and Matt Jackson, before the ball was moved wide quickly with two crisp miss passes. Winger Rich Coney dropped the ball over the line, and was pleasantly surprised to be awarded the try, much to Cranbrook’s chagrin. The sticky conversion was missed.
The game became a dog-fight in mid-field with both teams threatening, but unable to break either side’s defence. With 5 minutes of the half remaining, a neat chip over the home side’s blitz defence by flyhalf Geoff Kempt resulted in Medway being awarded a 5 metre scrum. As Medway’s solid scrum, lead by front row trio Mark Krasij, Dom Collins and Jamie Settle put their opponents under pressure, Cranbrook conceded a penalty in front for collapsing. As Matt Jackson lined up the kick, the opposing centre attempted to charge it down…..as a chorus of ‘idiot’ rung round his ears from his own players….Jackson fought off a fit of giggles to slot the points, and put Medway deservedly 8 – 3 ahead at the interval.
Medway now had the slope, and were starting to dominate in the loose with Bear, Paul Skeleton and Corker the Stalker dominating their opposite numbers. Medway’s first half patience was rewarded as more and more fast ball came available to their backs.
After 5 minutes, quick ruck ball was spun quickly wide,… Dave Gwilliam broke the habits of a lifetime, and put fullback Ben Barter away to score with a perfectly executed two-on-one. Jackson saucepan.
Dave French and James May were brought on to bring some fresh legs in the draining conditions……..and 5 minutes later, more quick ball was fed out to Kempt, he switched the ball back inside to pizza-boy Tom Willoughbelly, who accelerated like a moped with two large deep pans and a side of garlic bread on the back,,,,,Tom cut a superb angle right through the heart of the Cranbrook forwards, but nobody was able to lay a finger on him, as he raced towards the posts from 50 metres…… with ten metres left to run, Tom’s chunky little legs gave out in the mud, fortunately he had enough momentum for him to splash down over the tryline………….classic Sherston Quote....’’like someone had thrown a mattress out of a window’’. Jackson converted from close range.
5 minutes later, and Cranbrook attempted to clear their lines with a kick to the right…..unfortunately for Cranbrook, they picked out Rich Coney, who caught the ball, kicked it back over their heads, and ran through to score with ease. Jackson, now on fire, slotted the conversion.
Medway threatened Cranbrook’s line on numerous occasions, but continually messed it up, when scoring seemed the easiest thing to do. (Gwilliam x2….Bear x12ish.)
With 10 minutes remaining, Medway were dominating all facets of play, and were attacking at will. Julian Kerr was brought on, and added huge pace out wide combined with a total lack of knowledge of the rules. Medway became increasingly adventurous, reverting to their favourite expansive style, with time nearly up, the ball reached Coney once more on the wing….he accelerated forward 30 metres…stopped….thought about it for a second….changed direction….and then burned-off the cover defence as he raced in from 50 metres out. Jackson was deadly as usual from in front.
The full time whistle, signalled a great performance and result for Medway in tough conditions…..and cements their position 3 points clear at the top of the table.
Man of the match was awarded to fullback Ben Barter, who ran everything back at Cranbrook, and was outstanding throughout. Jackson competed in the obligatory boatrace on Barter’s behalf, and made the school boy error of touching ‘the elephant’s trunk’ above the bar…..probably because he spends half his spare time touching the elephant’s trunk.
Drew Sherston was overjoyed at Medway’s disciplined performance…..but was insistent that his charges showed more commitment to training, and used his mid-Atlantic Welsh-Wiltshire twang to get his message across as only he can….’’if anyone thinks they will be selected for the extras without training, think again girlfriend.’
GCK
Scribe.
Medway 55 Sevenoaks III 0
‘’I am fully erect’’ stated coach Drew Sherston…..and indeed he was, as his Extras team put Sevenoaks to the sword on Saturday. For the large crowd of sensible grown-ups and filthy dirty kids this was rugby of the highest order.
The game was barely 5 minutes old, when the ball found it’s way out to left wing Rich Coney, he proceeded to perform his running past people very quickly act, and Medway were one try to the good. Jackson, who is deadly from 8 yards, obliged with the conversion.
Medway’s forwards looked up for the match, as they rucked with a newly discovered ferocity,….this produced quality fast ball for the backs…..30 metres out, and flyhalf Richie Bates found inside centre Craig Drummond with a high pass….Drummond leapt like a salmon to snaffle the pass, before breaking a tackle, and showing a rare delicate touch by craftily dummying the fullback to score under the posts. Jackson 8 yards out, like a cobra.
Another 5 minutes, and it kept getting better…..more fast ball, lovely, thanks pack….and fullback Ben Barter hit the line from 50 metres out, he turned on the gas, and raced through the gap to score after selling a slight dummy outside, which all the Sevenoaks backs bought. Jackson 8 yards out, praying mantis.
Guess what, another 5 minutes….and Jackson varied his game by delivering a clever box kick down the right wing…Paul Meringue chased up but did nothing….it took the superb Bear Stapleton to apply some brains, by charging down the ‘Oaks’ attempted clearance kick, re-gather the loose ball, and chug in from 30 metres out, to score a fine try, with a flamboyant dive. Jackson 8 yards out, Fred West.
Then the fun stopped….and the kids went home…..as moon faced hooker Paul Morant put in a shout for the ‘Chris Green Attention Seeking Behaviour Award’……as he burst forth from the kick-off….everyone stopped as they heard a blood-curdling girlie scream. First Aiders rushed out, ambulances were called, Dick Van Dyke went to make-up….Paul had suffered an ankle injury (ligaments)….Paul’s quote ‘’It f**king hurts!’’……his mum’s quote ‘’he always was a bit of a Jessie when it comes to pain’’….thanks mum.
The game was relocated to pitch 19…and James May replaced the meringue……change of cream-cake, change of pitch, change of game…….Medway went sleepy-bye-byes, and let Sevenoaks have 15 minutes of dominance….they started picking and driving, and using their powerful No8 as a ball carrier….Medway defended superbly, holding the ball up over the line…..and only conceding one penalty (even with Matt Kelly and Bear on the pitch) which S’oaks missed.
To compound matters, Medway then lost knuckle-headed flanker Matt Kelly with a knee injury….fortunately Aussie Nick….Nicko !....had been drafted in as a replacement, despite being caught inflagrante delicto before kick-off with Carol Vorderman.
Almost immediately it appeared that Meds had lost Bear with an injury…but it turned out that he had only fallen in dogshit and couldn’t sustain his high standards with soiled shorts…. he came to the touch line and swapped shorts into Matt Kelly’s vast buttock-shrouds, exposing Baby Jesus on the way.
Medway were now re-focused….as their steely forwards turned the match into Medway’s favour through more strong rucking and great tackling from Paul Skelton, Mark Krasij and Sweaty Jack. One quick pass, allowed Coney to make good ground on the left….the ruck was quick….and a wide miss pass from Jackson found Craig Drummond…he drew the defence before releasing Bear in his huge pantaloons, who in turn slipped the ball to dumptruck Ben Craddock to score in the corner. Jackson 35 yards out, stay-puffed marshmallow man.
Twenty minutes into the second half, and the forwards created another great attacking platform on the left, after a strong sequence of red-balls….the ball was shipped wide to Ben Barter, who scorched in from fully 60 metres with a great run. Jackson 8 yards out, Harry Potter.
Medway lost Aussie Nick…with a strained pelvis….and this allowed Dave Gwilliam to take centre stage. Firstly, he outpaced the defence to score in the righthand corner after a quick tap-penalty. Then, after the move of the match which saw Skelts steal a line out, and forwards and backs exchange seven or eight passes…Gwilliam received the crucial pass, to slip in at the corner for his second. Finally, after Coney had kicked ahead and chased up his kick, only to be tackled short of the Sevenoaks line, Gwilliam was on hand again, to pick up the loose ball and roll over the line, for his hatrick. Jackson 3x35 metres, Hughie, Lewie and Dewie.
The final whistle came too soon ( 55 – 0)….and Captain Jamie Settle was like a rutting stag, running around exchanging fluids with his trusty team-mates.
This was a fantastic team performance, with great individual efforts from Settle, Bear and Corker the Stalker…….however man of the match went deservedly to Danny Williams and Paul Skelton for two cracking displays.
The squad can only get stronger in the weeks ahead, with the impending returns of French, Thompson, Kempt and Farbrace….and James Rutherford, who was unavailable due to an emergency cavity search in Vietnam.
Scribe
GCK
Medway 28 Tonbridge Juddians 13
After the previous weeks’ poor performance….Medway’s Extras were keen to get back into the winning groove. A good week on the training field, and an excellent warm up suggested that the lads were certainly focused on the job in hand. A couple of changes saw Howard Thompson and Owen Jones restored to the backrow…with Dominic Collins slotting in at hooker. The backs saw Ben Barter, Luke Burns and Julian Kerr making appearances.
Medway started strongly, through a series of fast drives, rucks and offloads….this caught TJs napping, and Medway were rewarded with a penalty after 5 minutes for killing the ball at a ruck. Matt Jackson slotted the points. The home team continued in this vein, and pushed TJs back time and again…..TJs only answer during this period was through the long clearance boot of their flyhalf, combined with the erratic catching of winger Julian Kerr, who should never be invited to a Christening. This provided only a temporary rest bite for TJs as Medway dominated all facets of play. The forwards secured excellent set-piece ball through Thompson and Corker, and used strong-running centres Burns and Drummond to crash it up….The two centres communicated effectively, one grunt for pass, two grunts for run, three grunts for tackle etc….
On ten minutes, Medway secured excellent lineout possession on TJ’s 22, through Dom Collins and Howard H-bomb Thompson….the ball was recycled several times before powerful tight-head prop Liam Johnson broke the final tackle to score a try. Conversion missed.
Medway applied further pressure, and with forwards and backs combining in attack, TJs were always under pressure. To their credit they tackled very well in the backs, until Jackson, who is available for the Vets on Wednesday night, prodded a clever chip-kick through….winger Rich Coney hacked the ball on, and tackled the TJ’s fullback in possession, Medway turned the ball over with superior numbers, before the ball was spun wide for flyhalf Richard Bates to score out wide on the right. Jackson stepped up for the tricky kick into the wind, but with the encouragement of the watching First XV cheering him on supportively from the veranda (‘’Jacko, you cock.’’)…… Jackson’s nerve held firm (unlike Kerr’s hands) and he eased the kick over with room to spare. (15 – 0).
TJs battled downfield for the last 5 minutes of the half, and were rewarded with a penalty much against the run of play, which they successfully slotted.
Half time (15 - 3.) We will never know what coach Sherston said to his charges at the break…but Medway resumed the second half like a bunch of complacent muppets. In a total reversal of the match being watched only 5 minutes earlier…TJs now dominated all areas of the game, unbelievable.
After 5 minutes of the half….some weak tackling enabled them to score an unconverted try wide on the right. Perhaps this was the appropriate moment for the watching Tony Krasij to point out that there are ( Irrelevant Fact No1)…. 62 pieces of Lego for every person in the World. This astonishing fact seemed to have a galvanising effect on the Medway lads…..as they drove back into TJ’s territory. A 30 yard maul, was perfectly controlled by the forwards, before Liam Johnson broke free to score his second try.
Coach Sherston made some tactical changes at this point…bringing on Dumptruck Ben Craddock for Drummond in the centres, and penalty-magnet Matt ‘I know all the rules now’ Kelly for the floundering Dave French in the pack. Medway were back in it, and they drove forward again and again through Skelton, Corker and Collins. A strong scrum on TJ’s 22 enabled Matt Jackson to break blind…..he fed a wide pass to Rich Coney on the wing…..Coney showed that he is strong as well as fast by breaking two tackles to reach over for a try in the corner. Jackson stuffed-up the conversion.
With Medway now in charge….Sherston swapped the outstanding Dominic Collins for Mark Krasij at hooker.
After the apparent success of his earlier irrelevant fact-based offering, Tony Krasij once again looked to spread yet more magic on the fruits of his loins, …(Irrelevant Fact No2 )…at the end of the War, Lord Haw-Haw was arrested by Lieutenant Bertie Liquorish…….genius, but no magic-wand this time, as TJs ran down the field and scored a try in the corner.
Captain Settle was not amused as he lapsed into full Tourettes-mode, and spouted forth some traditional Olde English words of encouragement…..which can now be heard at a Primary School near you.
Medway were still ahead, and wrapped up victory before full time with a further three points. (28 – 13.)
Coach Sherston gathered his troops around him….and was generous in his praise, as his side had stepped up to the mark, as he had demanded at the outset. His only criticism was that the backs need to apply significantly more pressure on their opponents, to close down any attacks before they develop. The returning James Rutherford, who has just been rescued from the San Jose Mine in Chile, should add more control to the backline next week.
Man of the match……Luke Burns, who was solid in defence, and a threat whenever he had the ball.
GCK.
Medway 19 Maidstone III 24
A disappointing performance from the Medway boys, saw them go down narrowly to a strong and determined Maidstone side.
Medway’s thorough warm-up, in contrast to Maidstone’s 10 minute kick-around before the first whistle might have suggested that the visitors had not prepared properly for the match…..however, this proved not to be the case, as they played with strength and pace throughout. Medway, in contrast seemed have just returned from a 2-week-bender, as they looked ponderous and tired.
In fairness, the first ten minutes were quite competitive….and it was Medway who opened the scoring, as Maidstone killed the ball at a ruck. Matt Jackson stepped up for the kick, in place of regular kicker Gareth Marlow (unavailable with a knee injury). Jackson adopted a strange technique of lofting the ball gently into the air, like a pitching-wedge, before watching it drop neatly over the bar. However points are points.
Maidstone came back hard at Medway, with a series of strong forward drives, and powerful backs running. Medway defended well enough, and were in the process of clearing their lines, when flyhalf Richard Bates decided it was time to perform the can-can, as he completely missed his attempted clearance kick. Whilst Batesy did his Moulin Rouge dance, the opposition caught the lobbed-up ball and dived over for a try. Converted.
Medway responded with some driving rugby of their own, with some strong running by someone wearing Craig Drummond’s shirt. Once again, Maidstone killed the ball….and Jackson slotted the penalty in more conventional style. 6 – 7.
Maidstone then pressed for the remainder of the half,…..they were rewarded with a try by their left winger, after some strong forward approach work. The try was converted, to give the visitors a 14 – 6 half time lead.
Coach Drew Sherston strode manfully towards his troops, and gave an impassioned Kitchener speech at the break, in the attempt to spark some life into his flaccid players.
Medway started strongly in the second period, and the contact area was fiercely contested…the home side secured enough ball, but Medway could not break the Maidstone line. On ten minutes, Maidstone broke blind from a scrum on halfway….their winger was well tackled before the line, and lost the ball at least 5 yards forward into the goal area where it was pounced on by a Maidstone player. Try said the referee. One for the TMO I guess. Conversion missed.
Maidstone lost their hooker for ten minutes for punching Chris Green….and who can blame him….Medway exploited the situation by driving into Maidstone’s half, where Jackson landed another penalty for (any guesses ?)…killing the ball at a ruck.
Medway lost skipper Jamie Settle with an attack of the ‘sniffles’, replaced by Lee Pattenden ……and James May was replaced by Graham Hell-yeah, after sustaining a neck injury. Maidstone were now stringing some good backs moves together and were able to push Medway back onto their line. An attempted clearance kick, was caught by their winger for the simplest of tries, and Medway were now 24 – 9 behind.
Medway again responded, and Jackson landed another penalty, as Maidstone were penalised for…….(answers on a postcard !)
From the kick-off, despite Matt Kelly dropping it, Medway were able to secure possession, and spin it wide to eventually get around the Maidstone defence. Fortunately, it was speed-merchant Rich Coney who was put clear. He shrugged-off two tackles, before heading off towards the opposite side of the pitch, ignoring the real Craig Drummond on the way. Maidstone’s last defender was able to drag Coney down just short of the line…….but the referee was quick to award Medway a penalty try, as the Maidstone player…..go on, say it…..’killed the ball’.
Jackson converted….to complete his 5 from 5 tally. Medway had closed the gap to 19 – 24, but time was against them, and the final whistle signalled huge disappointment.
This was Medway’s poorest performance so far this season….with a lack of cutting edge throughout, with the exception of the person wearing Craig Drummond’s shirt. The lads will need to regroup, cut out the mistakes, and be more aggressive, if they want to push for league honours.
GCK.
Aylesford II 15 Medway 15
Matches against Aylesford are always tough, physical battles…….and this was exactly the case on Saturday for Medway’s Extras. The squad had a slightly disjointed feel about it….with a number of new or returning players complementing the regular stalwarts. James May and Jack Sweaty started in the front row, with Chris Green (mad as a box of frogs) returning in the second row…..the backline saw dumptruck Ben Craddock in the centres, with Julian ‘worse hands than Mark Green’ Kerr on the wing.
Skipper Jamie Settle named himself on the bench, as his ‘farmers’ were playing up.
The warm up was a more structured affair this week, as coach Drew Sherston returned to true active duty after going off-radar in the DMZ the previous week. Drew had clearly been on a poetry course as he spoke only in Wiltshire rhyming couplets….generic, dynamic, ballistic, mechanic…..wtf !!!
The game opened up, with a series of powerful Aylesford forward drives, which Medway repelled on the gain line in excellent fashion. Despite being physically smaller man for man than their opponents, Medway just kept on tackling, and rucked furiously to disrupt the normal Aylesford up-the-jumper gameplan.
On ten minutes, flyhalf Gareth Marlow and winger Geoff Kempt combined with an ambitious cross field kick. Kempt re-gathered and popped the ball inside to Richard Bates, he was stopped short, but James May was on-hand to dive over for the opening unconverted try.
The remainder of the half was stalemate, as Aylesford drove forward, only for Medway’s pack to drop them and turn them over. Medway’s backrow trio of Paul Skelton, Howard Thompson and Matt Kelly were outstanding throughout.
Half time, Medway 5 – 0 ahead ,…. coach Sherston ripped into his team and demanded more effort….nobody argued as he reinforced his message by waving a small pair of medical scissors in everyone’s face, his description of Medway’s first half performance as ‘’a debauchery of shit’’ will remain in the memory of those who were present.
Much against the run of play, Aylesford opened the second half with a try under the posts, as their winger and scrumhalf caught Medway asleep. The kick after was crucially missed.
Medway then had their best period in the match, as they dominated the breakdown and open play for the next 20 minutes. First Medway were awarded a penalty in front of the posts, by the excellent ref….Gareth Marlow popped over the kick to put Medway 8 – 5 ahead. Next up, Medway’s forwards executed a series of superbly controlled pick and drives, which culminated in a try in the corner for the hard working lock Dave French. Marlow slotted the extra points in fine style from the touchline….Medway were now 15 - 5 up with ten minutes left.
Aylesford responded, and forced a Medway error in the loose. From the ensuing scrum, they were eventually able to register an unconverted try close in. Medway created their own chances as the game wore on, with Rich Coney and Dai Gwilliam (sub) going close.
Shortly afterwards, another Medway error, saw the visitors pinned into the corner by the home side….Aylesford love a lineout close to opposition try lines, and after some initial fine Medway defence, they were able to drive over in the corner for another unconverted try….scores were now level, with 3 minutes to play.
Almost immediately from the restart the ref pinged The Bulls for yet another infringement…..and Gareth Marlow stepped up from 40 metres out….unfortunately his attempted penalty slipped agonisingly wide, which effectively signalled the end of the match.
A bore draw 15 – 15.
Medway will consider this as a missed opportunity, and they will need to be more clinical in attack in future weeks, if they want to maintain their challenge for the league.
The man of the match went unanimously to Howard ‘H-bomb’ Thompson….for a brilliant aggressive defensive performance against far bigger opposition.
Scribe.
GCK
Medway 28 Gravesend III 14
Medway’s Extras took on a strong Gravesend IIIs side on Saturday, in a pulsating match that was only decided in the final ten minutes.
The home side’s pre-match preparation was disrupted, as Head Coach Drew Sherston failed to deploy himself correctly and was late on parade…..this left skipper Jamie Settle to organise the warm-up. Jamie’s uniquely vigorous warm-up consisted of hitting the pads and jogging a lap of the pitch……repeated ad nauseam for a full hour. As kick-off approached, the exhausted players returned to the dressing room for medical attention and intravenous fluids……this was a new experience for most of the players, although Birthday-boy Danny Williams was clearly experienced in receiving fluids intravenously.
The game kicked-off, Medway fielded the kick-off and drove straight down field…one quick ruck later and the ball was spun out Medway’s backs. As nervous fullback Richard Bates took the ball in the centres, he threw out a beautifully weighted pass directly to the Gravesend winger who had anticipated Batesy’s generosity….he gleefully sprinted under the posts for a converted try, and the game was barely one minute old.
With a couple of Settle expletives ringing in Medway’s ears….the game resumed. Medway’s forwards drove downfield with a series of controlled drives and rucks….Gravesend killed the ball in front of their posts….and Gareth Marlow slotted the three points from the ensuing penalty. The kick-off saw an almost exact repeat of the previous passage of play, as Medway were once again rewarded with another Marlow three-pointer, as Gravesend dived over the top at a ruck.
Shortly after, another penalty against Gravesend went narrowly wide…..despite Marlow’s obvious prowess with the boot…..the bitter and twisted figure of ex-kicker Matt Jackson could be heard to utter ‘saucepan’ under his breath.
On fifteen minutes, Medway were awarded a scrum 30 metres out….the bitter and twisted Jackson broke down the blindside, and delivered a pass to spring-heeled winger Geoff Kempt….he rounded his opposite man, handed-off the cover defence and dived over in the corner for a superb old-school try. Marlow obviously converted. (Jackson whispering…’miss, miss, miss’.)
Medway’s forwards were excellent throughout the half, with the ageless Peter Corker, Dominic Collins and Aussie Nick Clarke leading the way. A great positive in the style of play, was the numerous turnovers secured by the forwards whenever the opportunity presented itself, combined with a low penalty count as the turnovers were perfectly executed. This kept Gravesend on the back foot, and just before the interval, Marlow slotted another penalty for hands in the ruck.
Half time 16 – 7.
Medway lost Danny Williams at the break with a knee injury, replaced by the skeletal Dave Jinks on the wing……and Howard H-bomb Thompson replaced moon-faced straight-runner Matt Kelly in the backrow. Up until now Medway’s backline defence had been excellent, with Williams controlling things tightly. However, after 5 minutes of the second period, Gravesend’s outside centre broke through, he was stopped short, but Gravesend were able to win quick ruck ball, and score a try close in to the posts. This was duly converted and Medway were now in a two-point game.
During the next ten minutes Medway played some excellent rugby, with Settle, Collins, Meringue and Corker working tirelessly in the contact area…..try scoring chances for Jinks and Rich Coney were repelled by some excellent last-ditch tackling by the visitor’s defence.
The wind started to pick up half way through, and Gravesend were able to push Medway back deep into their half every time their excellent kicker got the ball. During this crucial phase of the game, Medway’s pack defended with great character as Gravesend threatened the Medway line…however they couldn’t break through…..back-rower Paul Skelton, superb all afternoon, was outstanding at this time.
Another excellent turnover on the Medway ten-yard line, saw the ball spun wide quickly….Geoff Kempt was able to break free and take the ball into the visitor’s twenty-two, before off-loading to supporting flanker Dave French, who raced home to score his first try of the season. Marlow missed the conversion, as the bitter and twisted Jackson coughed at the vital moment.
Medway were starting to dominate most phases of the game, and from yet another turnover the ball was spun out to the ticking H-bomb…he drew the last man before releasing speed-freak Rich Coney, who sprinted fully 60 metres at electrifying pace to score the decisive try. Marlow converted from in front.
The final whistle saw a victorious Medway elated at an excellent 28 - 14 victory against tough opponents.
Medway will have to re-jig it’s backline for next week, with Danny Williams carrying an injury, and having lost powerful centre Sam Bunce in the second half with shoulder ligament damage…it is also unlikely that James Rutherford will return next week, after being arrested for crystal meth trafficking offences in Thailand.
The man of the match was awarded to fly-half Gareth Marlow, for a great all-round display of controlled and creative rugby, combined with some excellent kicking.
The bitter and twisted Jackson was in the toilets.
Scribe
GCK.
Medway 25 Ash 5
Medway Extras started their league campaign this Saturday with a performance
that showed glimpses of what they could be capable of if they continue to work
hard as a group of players. This year they also have the added weapon of their own
dedicated coach and the players already know that Drew “Reiterate” Sherston takes
no prisoners.
This was a real test as this was a much stronger Ash side than the one that Medway faced last year and one that played with real conviction and determination. In the end it was the faster pace that Medway wanted to play the game at, that was the deciding factor.
From the kick off both packs tried to dominate and contested mauls and rucks fiercely. Despite the early loss of Polish juggernaut Karon, the Medway front row was solid. Fortunately for Medway Captain Slow, James May, was free from filming commitments and he and Paul Meringue with captain James Settle were always disruptive at the set piece. Behind them they had a belligerent lock partnership of Liam “what country am I in” and Dave “play anywhere” French and they were able to force an early penalty, which scrum half Jacko calmly slotted over from 25 yards. Unfortunately from that point on Jacko showed why Colin Montgomerie had been right not to hand him a wild card place in the Ryder Cup.
With Medway trying to take the game to Ash it was rather a surprise when their right
wing decided to embarrass 4 Medway defenders by breaking their tackle attempts.
Coach “Generic” Sherston was momentarily lost for words and then not short of any.
3 –5. With his words of encouragement bouncing around their heads they launched a
series of attacks and after Pretty Boy Williams wriggled between some defenders the
ball was moved across the field to Rich Coney who straightened the play and scored
close to the base of the posts. From 10 yards out Jacko ….guess….8 –5. Half Time.
The second half continued in the same vein as Ash did their best to break the Medway
dominance and Medway’s patience was sorely tested and on a number of occasions
poor skill execution let them down. Eventually the back row’s harrying told. With
Pete Corky, Grizzly Skelton and Flymo Stapleton forcing turn over after turnover the
ball went wide to Sam Bunce who raced in from 2 yards to score. Jacko………
With Slimmer of the Year Craig Craddock and Richard “who wants it” Bates moving
the ball wide to good effect and Luke Burns waking up, Pretty Boy Williams slid in
for a try. Jacko….
Coach Sherston then brought on some fresh legs and Aussie Nick and trialist full
back Chapman added extra impetus. Indeed Chapman unselfishly saved his team
mates any extra work by taking the ball from 45 yards out and racing unopposed to
the posts for a fine try. To stunned disinterest Jacko converted from 10 yards out.
Full Time: 25 –5.
A hard fought encounter which should give both sides encouragement for the season ahead. Medway Extras now look forward to next week to see what Drew’s word of the week will be.
E.I.Addio – Your man with the biro and a pile of fox poo.
Medway 7 Dartfordians II 7
11 September 2010
Here we go again,……. another season kicked into life last Saturday as Medway’s Extra XV took on a strong Dartfordians II’s in a friendly fixture at Priestfields. In perfect conditions, and with a large squad of players to choose from, Medway were looking to put hours of pre-season training into practice.
Under the expert tutor-ledge of Coach Drew Sherston, a man who can mix technical genius, killer put-downs, and jocular repartee in the same sentence, Medway were optimistic as to the match ahead.
Medway took the field, lead out by new skipper Jamie Doghouse Settle. The game opened with Dartfordians dominating the breakdown, and creating good fast ball, however they chose to kick most of this possession down the pitch,…where Medway were able to clear their lines by one means or another. Medway’s backline defence was strong throughout with Danny Williams and Sam Bunce knocking down any threats…..perhaps this is why they chose to kick.
After 15 minutes, a rare foray into Darts territory saw Medway secure the ball from a messy lineout ten metres out….the loose ball was gathered by hooker Paul Meringue who powered his way over for the opening try. The conversion was expertly slotted by scrum-half Matt Jackson from wide out.
Dartfordians responded strongly, and put Medway’s pack under severe pressure. Medway’s scrum was strong, but clean ball just could not be secured…….and the home side’s lineout will need much work, as Darts were able to pick off clean ball all game at their ‘four’ jumper. Medway defended well, but were continually driven back through a string of penalties, mainly for infringements at the breakdown.
Darts missed two easily kickable penalties, but were rewarded just before the break, as they eventually broke the Medway line to score close in, for a converted try. On the balance of play, it was deserved.
Sergeant Sherston made numerous changes at the break, which yielded an immediate improvement in Medway’s play. The forwards began to compete more effectively in the scrum and loose, which gave their backs the chance to attack wider out. Great breaks were made by Craig Drummond,… and fullback Rich Coney was unlucky not to get the touchdown as he chased up his own kick ahead. Dartfordian’s backs defended excellently during the second period, although Medway were guilty of not releasing their wingers on occasion when the overlap was created.
Both teams played expansively, which made for great entertainment for the large crowd…..but equally both defences held firm. Medway’s forwards worked tirelessly throughout, with back-rower Paul Skelton outstanding at the breakdown.
The final whistle saw disappointment and relief for both sides,….and the 7 – 7 scoreline was probably a fair result.
Jamie Settle awarded last year’s Captain Matt Jackson with the Man-of-the-Match award…..not because he was the best player, but out of sympathy for Jackson losing the captaincy.
Competition for places will be fierce this year, with a number of players due to return ahead of next week’s league opener…..James Rutherford (currently being shafted in some Honolulu back alley) should offer more weight in the backs…..and Monish Shome should offer more dynamism from the backrow, if he can turn up at the right time.
There will need to be a dramatic improvement in a number of areas at training this week, if Medway are to start their league campaign on winning form next Saturday.
Scribe.
GCK.